such as

I blame my mother for turning my sister into a trunk baby.

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 02:41:00 -0500

I blame my mother for turning my sister into a trunk baby.

I’m having a spontaneous night in with my Twilight book...

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 23:40:00 -0500

I’m having a spontaneous night in with my Twilight book and takeout. This is not a gratuitous picture of my breasts. If you use Tumblr as a vessel of harassment, I will delete my account!

/ahem

HEY YOU WANNA HEAR ABOUT MY PERIOD?

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 21:38:00 -0500

I’m doing one of those fancy pants tracking thingies on my purging because I’m convinced there is a ‘full moon’ thing going on.

I may be a werewolf. But that’s just because it’s No Shave November.

it's not even 7:30 yet

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 21:36:36 -0500

idonthavedreams:

suchas:

but I’m going to go ahead and pull out the sofa bed and watch some Rhoda with a bag of Cheetos.

Its not even 930 and there are like 7 people that have shoved patron shots down my throat

I’ve 3 geighs convincing me to enlist and 7 geighs asking me to take shots.

And the australian is at this housewarming party and I just beat 9 8-year-olds at need for speed.

Who are these 7 people? Why am I not their friend?

it's not even 7:30 yet

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 20:20:47 -0500

but I’m going to go ahead and pull out the sofa bed and watch some Rhoda with a bag of Cheetos.

wut up.

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 15:32:19 -0500

wut up.

I'm pretty sure I look like a daytime hooker.

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 15:20:49 -0500

Or a porno schoolgirl. Or Mariah (difference? I think not). I’m wearing a white button up from the Gap, a reeeeeeally short plaid skirt, whose tartan colors resemble those on my old Catholic school kilt, and a pair of four-inchers.

You remember how it’s No Shave November? Yeah, it’s gross. I had to bust out the hose. I don’t know who I think I’m fooling.

Find your name's best anagram

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 15:11:52 -0500

Find your name's best anagram:

parachuteshark:

Some personal favorites:

Gustav Mahler - M. RAVEL’S A THUG

Sufjan Stevens - JUST SEVEN FANS

Oscar Wilde - I LACE WORDS

HMS Pinafore - NAME FOR SHIP

Sergei Rachmaninoff - REACH FINE ORGASM IN F

Wes Anderson - RENOWNED ASS

Eleanor of Aquitaine - A TOO ALIEN, FAIR QUEEN

Vladimir Putin - I’M VALID TURNIP

Nuh uh!

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 02:32:43 -0500

Nuh uh!

haaaa.

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 02:28:31 -0500

It’s been a while since gmail popped Goggles on me. I’m not drunk, gmail, SWEAR.

Dear Sugartits (since we're drunk),

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 02:02:49 -0500

moedlopez@gmail.com

That’s for the rest of you too. For booty emails and all that jazz.

(via lishmay) My reeeeesearch paaaapeeeerrrrrr!

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 01:03:17 -0500

(via lishmay)

My reeeeesearch paaaapeeeerrrrrr!

I bring up my throat vagina because I saw this earlier.

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 21:27:29 -0500

I bring up my throat vagina because I saw this earlier.

Which web browser would you marry?

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 21:25:38 -0500

Which web browser would you marry?:

I’d marry Chrome. Our relationship is only a recent one but it feels like a forever type of situation. Chrome is The One.

Firefox is my trick on the side.

Once, I saw a picture of my throat.

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 21:20:49 -0500

It looked like a vagina.

I am your grandma.

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 21:19:50 -0500

Whenever my brother Marty refers to something as “tight” (a colloquial term applied to something you find agreeable), I always like to yell, “No, it’s loose.”

And that's six expressions more than all them Barrymores put together.

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 20:01:25 -0500

I have cable! I have cable! The sorta good kind! I reinstalled TWC because AT&T was overpriced and super shoddy.

I spent the day getting reacquainted with the fire of my loins, Anthony Bourdain and the fire of my bowels, Paula Deen.

Now I am getting comfortable without any trousers and will watch Funny Girl while Domino’s gets here. No I will not put on pants. The pizza boy will have to take seeing me in my silk grannies as a tip.

Decisions.

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 00:10:10 -0500

I have a case of donuts. Awful store bought ones. I’m thinking about letting myself have these donuts as I don’t feel so well as to consume that nasty Paula Deen pie just yet. Everytime I eat these donuts, it is murder on the bowels. But yet, they’re across from me. Smiling, almost. I could have them with a glass of milk. I’m kind of itchy.

I remember reading on Jez or here, I think, about a type of diet, well eating style, really, one does where you could think about the implications of a certain foodstuff once consumed and use it to bench whether or not you should have certain foodstuff? I don’t know. I don’t remember very well except that that idea sort of stuck with me.

I could have some two donuts and be on the toilet in 20 minutes with the Geneva Convention on line #1 or I could not. Decisions.

I am a child.

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 19:14:27 -0500

I whine, kick and scream to get out of things that are really no trouble.

Yet I can’t do them, even when calm.

Or would you rather I grind on you?

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 22:20:38 -0500

Or would you rather I grind on you?